Self-confidence is a demeanor, which allows people to have indisputable, yet realistic views of the themselves and their situations. Self-confident people have faith in their own talent, have a general sense of control over their lives, and trust that, within reason, they will be able to do what they want to do.
Self-confidence is an outlook that is garnered through experiences. When a person experiences success, that person will tend to expect to be successful. And that expectation will cause a feeling of confidence.
For example: A man wants to be a boxer, so he gets a manager and a trainer. His manager will not put him into the ring until he has generated proficient skills. And even then, the manager will only put him up against a contender that he knows his fighter can beat. When his fighter beats the challenger, he is successful, and starts to gain a feeling of belief in his capabilities.
With each encounter, the manager puts his warrior up against a contender who is only a slightly better challenger then the last, but not good enough to beat his man. By the end of the third fight, the young fighter begins to expect to win his fourth, and so his confidence continues to increase. This series of events continues to repeat itself. And as long as the fighter continues to win, his expectations of success, and his feelings of self-confidence will continue to increase.
If a person who has a long history of success and feelings of self-confidence does fail, they still tend to expect success the next time out. Conversely, when a person who is weak in the self-confidence department fails, they tend to lose confidence, and begin to expect failure, which can become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Having true self-confidence doesn’t mean that individuals will be able to do everything. Usually people who have self-confidence have practical expectations. Even when some of their expectations are not met, they continue to be positive and to accept themselves.
People, who are not self-confident, tend to depend unreasonably on the acceptance of others in order to feel self-esteem. They avoid risks because of the fear of failure. They belittle themselves and tend to discount or ignore compliments that they do receive.
On the other side of the coin, secure people are willing to risk the disapproval of others because they generally have confidence in their own potential. A person can have lots of abilities, but still lack self-confidence. A lack of self-confidence is often the result of concentrating totally on the unreal expectancy of other people, especially friends and parents. The power of peers can be more powerful than those of parents in shaping the feelings about one’s self.
Beliefs That Continue to Influence Self-Confidence
In response to external influences, people create beliefs; some of these are good, and some are bad. Several assumptions that can interfere with self-confidence and alternative ways of thinking are:
ASSUMPTION: It’s important that I’m successful at everything. This is a totally unrealistic assumption. In real life, everyone has his/her strengths and weaknesses. While it’s important to learn to do the best that one can, it’s more important to learn to accept the self as being human, and fallible. Feel good about what you are good at, and accept the fact that you don’t know everything and you are not an expert at everything.
ASSUMPTION: I must be perfect, and loved by everyone, and satisfy everyone. Again, this is a totally unrealistic assumption. All human beings are fallible. It’s better to develop personal standards and values that are not completely dependent on the approval of others.
ASSUMPTION: Everything that happened to me in the past remains in control of my feelings and behaviors in the present.
ALTERNATIVE: While it is true that your confidence was especially subject to external influences when you were a very young child, as you mature, you can gain knowledgeunderstanding and point of view on what those influences have been. In doing so, you can choose which influences you will continue to allow to have an effect on your life. You don’t have to be helpless in the face of past events. HERE ARE SOME STRATEGIES FOR DEVELOPING CONFIDENCE
Emphasize your strengths. Give yourself credit for everything you can do. And bestow upon yourself recognition for every new adventure that you are willing to experience.
Take risks. Adopt the frame of mind of: I never fail, because there are NO failures. However, sometimes I find out what doesn’t work, and once I’ve learned what doesn’t work in a given situation, I can try something else.
Use Self-Talk: Talk to yourself in positive terms to counter harmful assumptions. Then, tell yourself to stop. Substitute more reasonable assumptions. For example, when you catch yourself expecting yourself to be perfect, remind yourself that it’s impossible to be an expert at all things, and that it’s only possible to do things to the best of your ability. This allows you to accept yourself while still improving.
Make mental movies: Visualize yourself in the various scenarios that you currently lack confidence in. But see yourself behaving as like a person who has tremendous self-confidence would. There are many self-hypnosis and NLP techniques that will create a huge amount of self-confidence from within your subconscious mind. There are even NLP techniques that will let you take confidence that you do have in areas of your life, and then transplant that confidence to areas of your life that are lacking confidence!
Self-Evaluate: Learn to judgerank yourself independently. refrain from the continuous sense of chaos that comes from relying on the opinions of others.
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Alan B. Densky, CH. is certified hypnotist and NLP Practitioner. He opened his practice in 1978. He is the inventor of Neuro-VISION, an NLP / Video hypnosis technology that received a US Patent because of its effectiveness. Neuro-VISION has been perfected for weight loss NLP and video quit smoking hypnosis. Visit the Neuro-VISION NLP & Hypnosis site and download FREE MP3’s hypnosis newsletters, and original articles on hypnosis & NLP.
- Alan B. Densky, CH
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